It’s Not About Me
28 Jun 2011 22 Comments
in faith, God, Life, Marriage, Parenting, trust, Women Tags: faith, grace. forgiveness, identity, restoration, self-worth, trust
I’ve never thought of myself as a self-centered person. Being in full-time ministry for 23 years, it’s always been about the people that God has sent into my life, whether it was to teach, minister to, pray for, disciple, or just listen. So a few weeks ago, when my pastor said to me, “Heidi, it’s not about you”, it shook me a bit.
Here’s the context of his statement: Over the past several years, I’ve known that I’ve needed to write more….whether it be through a blog, or through a book (or books)….it’s been a strong leading of my heart, knowing that it was really God Himself directing me.
Just like I thought that I wasn’t a self-centered person, I’ve also never seen myself as an overly analytical person either. I’m usually not too “heady” about things….until lately. I would think things like, “Everybody on the planet is writing a blog. Why another one?” or “There are a million Christian books out there. Why another one?”
These are the questions that I brought to my pastor. (Along with my husband, and many others, my pastor had also been encouraging me to begin writing.) As I voiced these concerns to him, he very matter-of-factly stated: “Heidi, it’s not about you. It’s not about whether there are a million blogs or a million books. It’s about you being obedient to God. God has given you an assignment. You have a message that the world needs to hear. The gift you have will help others. It’s not about you.”
So with that fresh perspective, I must be obedient.
Here’s my message: He’s healed my broken heart. He’s restored an identity and self-worth about myself that I’ve searched all my life for. He’s given me eyes to see what I do have and what He’s blessed me with, instead of eyes that only see the wrong that’s been done.
He’s protected my heart from bitterness. He’s given me the ability to forgive others….truly forgive from my heart, not just with my words. He’s given me the honor and priviledge to communicate to others. He’s given me the message that He can restore and redeem ANY heart, ANY life, ANY mess….including mine.
Now let me ask YOU the question: What is YOUR message? What is it that God has done for you, that YOUR world needs to hear about? Remember, it’s not about you…it’s about your assignment from God to bring hope and healing to a lost world.
So with that being said, I will be blogging and I will be writing. And I will be keeping you up-to-date with what God is doing because “it’s not about me”.
(I would love to hear your thoughts about what I’ve shared. Leave me a comment and let me know. We’re all in this together!!)
The comfort of His voice
17 Feb 2011 Leave a Comment
in faith, God, Life, Marriage, trust, Women Tags: bible, faith, peace, trust
Three weeks ago today, I had re-constructive foot surgery. After four years of trying every other method/doctor/therapy, etc. to keep from this surgery, I finally gave in. Not something anyone has time for and certainly not convenient to be on crutches for 3 months, but in order to live an active (standing on my feet) life, the surgery was absolutely necessary.
Prior to my surgery, some of my nerve tests came back abnormal, so the doctors ordered a MRI of my head and spine. Never having a MRI but being extremely claustrophobic, I went to the imaging center with MUCH apprehension!! Well, to make a long story short 
, I walked OUT of the imaging center with no MRI. I got as far as getting on the table, but when I realized that they would ATTEMPT to push my body through a tube the size of a straw, I made the decision that this test certainly couldn’t be necessary in order to have foot surgery. I apologized to everyone involved and got the “heck out of Dodge”!!
Now, for all of you super-spiritual people…..I DO have faith in God…great faith. I DO know that fear is not of God, I DO know that God is with me..ALWAYS. I just cannot handle having my head enclosed in any form or fashion….ok??
After the doc heard my traumatic story of the attempted MRI, he allowed me to have an open MRI where the necessary tests could be performed, WITHOUT my head being enclosed in a tiny, straw-like tube.
The day of the open MRI came, my anxiety level and blood pressure rose, but with my husband by my side…..I went in. My husband was allowed to stay with me (thank God!!) and even sat in a chair next to the table and held my hand. But for me that still wasn’t enough!! I asked him to please talk to me, read to me, etc….just say something so that I could hear his voice over the loud noises of the machine I was in. The testing lasted 2 1/2 hours, and my husband’s poor voice was gone after “talking/reading” to me constantly. Whenever he would take a breath, I would squeeze his hand (I wasn’t allowed to talk or move, or they would have to start over) letting him know that I couldn’t hear him. As long as he was talking and I heard his calm, comforting, loving voice, I knew that I could make it through this eternal testing!!
Never have I heard more encouraging words, than when the MRI technician came in and said, “It’s over….you’re done.” All the testing came back good and I was released to have my foot surgery.
Why am I telling you about this personal ordeal of mine??
Something happened in my heart through this ordeal. I realized that just as my husband’s voice brought the peace and calm to my UN-NERVED heart, God desires for His voice to be the One we listen for in our times of uncertainty and anxiousness. He even longs for us to hear His voice when things are good and our hearts/nerves are at peace. His voice calms our greatest fears and doubts.
I read my Bible differently now. As I sit each morning, as I’ve done for years and years, reading my Bible….I imagine His hand holding mine and His voice talking to me as I read His Word. Calming, soothing, peaceful….somehow letting me know that everything’s going to be ok.
These days of being crippled, in a cast and crutches….His voice is as comforting as ever. All I have to do is remind myself that His voice is only a hand-squeeze away.
“She’s ready”
24 Aug 2010 9 Comments
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Parenting, trust, Women Tags: faith, God, life, Parenting, trust, Women
After several months of not blogging…here’s the reason why: Our oldest daughter graduated high school and is now moved to college!! That’s a BIG deal for a mama!! I’m sure you won’t be surprised to see that this new blog is a “reflection” from this past season of my life.
Our oldest daughter is quiet in nature but strong in fortitude. As we made plans for graduation, parties, college prep, move-in, etc. this past year, she didn’t have a lot to say. One day, she would seem so excited, then the next, I could tell she was a bit nervous and anxious about this new season of her life. Throughout this past year, my heart and mind was flooded with emotion: “Is she ready to live on her own? Have I taught her everything she needs to know? Have we prepared her for the unexpected?” The list of questions was endless. As I voiced this to my husband, his answer to every single one of my questions/concerns was “She’s ready”. Period. No explanation as to why she was “ready”, just “she’s ready”, then he’d move on to another topic of conversation. I, however, wanted a detailed explantation as to why he was so confident that our daughter was “ready”. Much to my dismay, I never got an explanation…just repeatedly, “she’s ready”.
Over the summer, we celebrated my husband’s birthday and as is our family tradition on birthdays, we went to a nice restuarant to eat. Once we’ve finished our meal, we each take our turn expressing what that particular family member has done over the past year that has blessed us. As we did this for my husband, when it came our oldest daughter’s turn to speak, she said “Dad, all year long I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to go away to college, but you always told me one thing: ‘You’re ready’, and after hearing that all year long, I’ve decided that I really am ready for this new season.” WOW!! The power of two simple words from a father!! Two words that dispelled fear and doubt, nervousness, anxiousness and insecurities. “You’re ready”. Period. No explanation to my daughter either, just “you’re ready”.
We moved our daughter to college last week and guess what? She really was READY!! I’ve never seen her so full of excitement, courage, strength and anticipation of the days ahead. Why? Because her father continually told her she was “ready”.
I find myself facing some pretty big challenges in this next year of my life. There are some BIG things that my Heavenly Father has asked me to do. Just like my daughter, I’m not really sure if I have what it takes to do what God has purposed for me in this season. Tons of questions are rolling around in my mind, but amid those questions and doubts, I hear the voice of my Heavenly Father saying, “Heidi, you’re ready!” No explanation as to how I’m going to do these things, no time-schedule for me to keep, no end result explained to me….just simply “You’re ready”.
I now realize that my daughter set a pretty good example for me this past year: JUST BELIEVE WHAT YOUR FATHER SAYS. Period. Without an explanation, just believe!! And just as I’ve seen her blossom and grow into her purpose, I trust that I will do the same as I embrace all that God has purposed for me this year.
So now, I ask you the question: What is it that God is asking of you? What are you finding hard to embrace full of faith? Don’t think you’re ready or has what it takes? Hear the words of YOUR Heavenly Father: “You’re ready”. Period.
Don’t You Care??!!
05 Apr 2010 2 Comments
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Parenting, Women Tags: devotion, multi-tasking, priority
God created women with a beautiful gift: MULTI-TASKING. We can perform many “tasks” at one time; we clean house, do laundry, cook dinner, assist with homework all while we are paying bills, carrying on a serious phone conversation AND checking our email. And not once lose track of what we’re doing!! We are proud to be the super-heroes of our home!! We beam with pride when our family members take note of our super-human abilities!!
While the gift of multi-tasking may be a great blessing, it can also be a curse to our lives as well. There’s one area of my life that multi-tasking just won’t work: MY CHRISTIAN LIFE. I cannot multi-task through my daily spiritual disciplines. Jesus demands my FULL attention and will not share my devotion to Him with any “task” that’s on my list. He will not share my worship and love for Him with anything, or anyone.
In Luke 10, we find a woman who was queen of multi-tasking…or so she thought!! Martha was known for her gracious hospitality to Jesus and took great pride in doing so. Jesus and His disciples had “dropped by” for a visit during their travels, and Martha found herself with a houseful of men to feed and care for. In the busyness of her “tasks”, she became overwhelmed by the lack of help from her younger sister and stormed into the room where Jesus was speaking. “Lord, don’t you care” that no one is helping me and I’m left to myself to DO IT ALL??!! is essentially what Martha was saying. “Don’t you care??!!”
While most of us would never speak those words out loud to Jesus, most of us have said those very words in our hearts. “Lord, don’t you care?” Don’t you care that I do everything around my house?? Don’t you care that I work the nursery more than my fair share? Don’t you care that I’m the only one who stays behind after work to make sure that everything is done? Don’t you care??!! Not only do we speak those words in our hearts to God, we’ve all said those words too many times to those people closest to us…DON’T YOU CARE??!!
Martha made two major mistakes in her outburst. First,she put her needs above the needs of others. She placed her need for help in the kitchen above her sister’s need to sit with Jesus, and even above Jesus’ need for worship and adoration at that moment. Every time we place our needs above the needs of others, we become prideful. We begin to carry the attitude that we do everything, and no one else does anything. And our prideful hearts look very ugly on us, just as it did on Martha.
Second, Martha mistakenly saw what she was doing for Jesus as more important than what JESUS WAS TRYING TO DO FOR HER!! Jesus desired to sit and take time with the two sisters, to visit personally with them, to share His heart with them. Only Mary “chose what was better” and made herself available to Him. Martha missed an opportunity, did not make herself available, and basically embarrassed herself terribly in front of the One who desired to spend time with her. No multi-tasking at that moment!! Martha couldn’t perform her “tasks” AND sit at Jesus’ feet. She had to choose one over the other, and regrettably, she chose the wrong one!!
While we may be able to multi-task in our daily lives, we cannot multi-task in our spiritual lives! Jesus will not tolerate a “divided heart” towards Him. He cannot be just “one more thing” on our to-do list. He demands 100% of our attention, our affections, our devotion and love. Will I be available when Jesus needs to talk and converse with me? Or will I be too busy with my “tasks”, that I see His visits as an imposition in my life instead of an honor and privilege?
The answer to Martha’s outburst of “don’t you care??” is absolutely YES, Jesus does care!! In fact, He cares enough to rebuke us when we choose the “task” over spending time with Him. He cared enough to die for us, to take our sins to the Cross, so we wouldn’t have to carry them ourselves, to love us enough to rebuke us when we need it…..YES, HE DOES CARE!! He cares more than we’ll ever know!!
Missing Out
16 Feb 2010 1 Comment
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Parenting, Women Tags: grace. forgiveness
I hate it when I feel like I’ve missed out on something. Whether it be the “sale of the century” at the mall, or a missed call from that special someone, or a get-together with family or friends….if I miss “it”, I am left with the feeling of missing out on something great. While all the things I just mentioned are not life-or-death scenarios, I hate knowing something great happened and I wasn’t there to experience it. But there is something worse than missing out on the greatest sale of the century…that is missing out on the grace of God.
There is a scripture in Hebrews that speaks of “missing out” on the grace of God and then goes on to tell us HOW we can miss out. “See to it that no one MISSES the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Heb. 12:15) A root of bitterness in our hearts will keep us from receiving the grace of God!! I don’t know about you but I NEED THE GRACE OF GOD on a daily basis!! The love, the forgiveness, the mercy, the outpouring of God’s GRACE is a vital part of my Christian walk and I certainly don’t want to jeopardize those things because I’ve allowed bitterness to creep into my heart.
Bitterness is difficult to detect in our hearts; in fact, most bitter people don’t even know they are bitter! By refusing to deal with the negative emotions of anger, unforgiveness, resentment, etc., a seed of bitterness is planted into our hearts and before we know it, that seed has grown into a “root of bitterness” and has “caused MUCH trouble” in our lives and have hurt many people.
There was a woman in the Bible named Naomi who, because of her bitterness, changed her name. She was so bitter that her new name meant “bitter”. Bitterness will do that….cause us to change our names. Maybe not our literal names, but change who we really are. Bitterness can make a once happy person, depressed… a once caring person, hard-hearted and self-centered. In fact, bitterness can even turn us into a person that we (or those closest to us) don’t even recognize.
How do we rid ourselves of a “root of bitterness” that has grown in our hearts? WE RECOGNIZE AND ADMIT THAT IT’S THERE. That’s half the battle….just recognize it. Once we truthfully come to the place that bitterness has found a place in our lives, we must remove the “root of bitterness” out of our hearts and place it into the hands of God. God is more than willing and able to remove it. We admit that it’s there and give it to God. We release forgiveness to the people who have hurt us or wronged us, gratefully admitting that God has done the same for us.
I hate missing out….and I would certainly HATE to miss out on the greatest blessing of all: GOD’S GRACE. There is no person, event, hurt, wound, or misfortune that is worth my missing out on the grace of God!! The more I rid my heart of bitterness, the more God pours out His grace on me. Pretty AMAZING…isn’t it??
The unlikely comfort of the name “prostitute”
16 Nov 2009 Leave a Comment
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Women Tags: destiny, encouragement, hope, imperfections, purpose, self-esteem, self-worth
I never thought the word “prostitute” could bring me such comfort. It’s not a word that I use, certainly NEVER a word that’s been used to describe me or those closest to me!! But a word, nonetheless, that brings great comfort to my heart everytime I read it in God’s Word.
I read the story of Rahab in Joshua 2, and her name isn’t mentioned without the label of “prostitute” attached to her. I read more about her in Hebrews 11, and “prostitute” is still used to describe Rahab as a woman of great faith. Rahab is mentioned BY NAME in the Hall of Faith, along with Sarah, the wife of Abraham..the only two women mentioned by name. But yet Rahab’s name has a description with it: “the prostitute”.
Rahab’s job description is made very clear each time her name is mentioned in the Bible, with little left to the imagination. But once again, that name “prostitute” brings enormous comfort to my own heart. Rahab had no religious background, no godly heritage, no devout husband, no godly parents. Rahab didn’t even know the God of Israel, BUT THE GOD OF ISRAEL KNEW HER!! Not only did He know her, He had a GREAT purpose and plan for her life!!
Why in the world would the name “prostitute” bring such encouragement, hope and comfort to me and my life? Because it’s a clear indication that GOD CAN USE ANYBODY!! Regardless of background, past sins or shortcomings; in spite of reputation, a lowly self-worth or insignificance…GOD HAD A PURPOSE AND PLAN FOR RAHAB, and if He could use Rahab as a woman of “great faith”, then what in the world could He do with me??!!
There is NOTHING extraordinary about any of us. We are all ordinary people, with imperfections and shortcomings; sometimes, too many to even count. But yet, the Bible is filled with ordinary people that God chose to use in extraordinary ways!! Ordinary people allowing an extraordinary God to work and move, and show Himself strong on their behalf….THAT IS WHAT BRINGS ME GREAT HOPE AND COMFORT!!
I, too am an ordinary woman, certainly not with the label of “prostitute”, but with too many imperfections to speak of, a background that I don’t care to share, a family history that shouldn’t allow me to do what I do, but an EXTRAORDINARY GOD chose me to be used for His glory!!! Long before I ever knew of the God of Israel, HE KNEW ME and pursued me with HIS PURPOSES AND PLANS FOR MY LIFE!!
How about you? Doesn’t the name “prostitute” now ring in your ears with great encouragement and hope?? Allow God to work extraordinarily through you!!
The label of REJECTION
29 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Women Tags: acceptance, approval, rejection, trust
REJECTION is a tough word to swallow..not a word we want ourselves described as; not a word we want people to associate with us; certainly not a word we want to label anyone with…REJECTION. But a word nonetheless, that once attached to us, is very difficult to get free from.
There is a woman in the Bible named Leah (Gen. 29) that suffered the ultimate rejection. HER OWN HUSBAND REJECTED HER openly and blantantly. In fact, he was ticked off that she even became his wife!! Most of us have suffered the pain of rejection at some point in our lives..from a parent, a sibling, a friend, a lover, a spouse, even a boss or pastor. Regardless of how our rejection came to us, one thing is perfectly clear: REJECTION IS PAINFUL. And once rejection comes, we are tempted to live the rest of our lives viewing every relationship, or potential relationship through the filter of rejection.
WHAT DOES REJECTION DO TO PEOPLE?? (1) It makes us work harder to gain the acceptance of others, (2) “What we do” becomes our identity and self-worth rather than “WHO WE ARE”, (3) It keeps people at arms length because we don’t want to suffer rejection again, so we don’t allow people to get close to us, (4) makes it VERY HARD TO TRUST OTHER PEOPLE, including God. (5) We seek the approval of men rather than seeking the approval of God.
Life is hard enough, much less walking through it labeled with REJECTION!! This is one thing I’ve learned about God: MY HEAVENLY FATHER IS TRUSTWORTHY!! Though other people may have hurt me, wounded me, rejected me (intentional or not)…GOD IS WORTHY OF MY TOTAL TRUST!! He will NEVER reject, hurt, wound or abandon me.
I have made the choice to remove the filter of rejection that I could view my life with. I choose to TRUST a God who LOVES, ACCEPTS AND HAS GREAT PURPOSE FOR ME!! Rejection not only closes my heart, but shuts down the very purpose for which God created me. We each have a choice of what we will do with our rejection. Either we remove that filter, and live our lives to the fullest, trusting in a TRUSTWORTHY GOD, or we remain behind the filter of rejection, missing out on the relationships with God and others, never knowing the ABUNDANT LIFE that is promised to us. What choice will you make?
It wasn’t supposed to look this way!!
05 Oct 2009 1 Comment
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Women Tags: answer, dreams, expectations, God, hopes, promise, surrender, trust, yield
What happens when what we’ve been “waiting” for doesn’t look the way we expected it to? We all have things in our hearts/promises from God’s word/answers we’re waiting on God for. What are we to do when the answer doesn’t come? Or the promise looks different from what we expected? Does that mean that God didn’t answer our prayer? Or isn’t concerned about our lives? Or that He can’t be trusted?
What if our “promise” NEVER comes? Do we stop serving God or walk away from our Heavenly Father? We live in a fallen world, with fallen people and sometimes things don’t turn out as we have hoped for. It is in those times that we must come to a stark realization: WE DON’T SERVE GOD FOR WHAT HE CAN DO FOR US, BUT FOR WHO HE IS TO US!! God is our Father who loves us unconditionally, who has forgiven us of our shortcomings and only has OUR best interests in His heart. Sometimes the best answer to our prayer is NO ANSWER AT ALL.
As Christians, we must YIELD and SURRENDER what we think our answer/promise should look like!! If we have a pre-conceived idea about what that ‘”promise” is going to look like, when it is fulfilled in our lives ,we walk away disappointed in God because it LOOKS DIFFERENTLY THAN WHAT WE IMAGINED. Sometimes God chooses to bring about our promise (or our answer to prayer) in a way that’s unlike what we had visualized in our minds. Does that lessen the fact that GOD HAS ANSWERED OUR HEARTS CRY? Of course not!! But far too many times, we don’t recognize our PROMISE or ANSWER from God because IT DIDN’T LOOK THE WAY WE IMAGINED IT WOULD!!
It is through an act of surrendering OUR expectations of that promise, that we truly say in our hearts, “GOD, I TRUST YOU”!! “I trust YOU with the promise you gave me, with the answer to prayer I’m asking of you, with the OUTCOME of my request…GOD, I TRUST YOU.”
When we wholeheartedly TRUST HIM with our hopes, dreams, promises, requests…WE WILL NEVER WALK AWAY DISAPPOINTED!!
Is it worth the wait?
05 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
in Culture, God, Life, Marriage, Women Tags: patience, promise, waiting
Why is waiting so hard for us? We HATE TO WAIT!! God forbid if we have to wait in line at the store, or in the drive thru for food, or at the gas station to fill up our cars…we want everything NOW. Even our culture feeds the impatience within us…self-check outs, lunch in 10 ten minutes or less, even swiping our credit cards with no required signature. No wonder one of the fruits of the spirit is “patience”…we all need patience desperately!! But God’s principles and ways DO NOT conform to our culture!!
I read somewhere that a sure sign of Christian maturity is how much patience we show when we have to wait. SMALL CHILDREN CANNOT WAIT…AND SADLY, MOST CHRISTIANS CANNOT EITHER. In the book of Genesis, the Bible tells us of God speaking a promise to Abraham (and Sarah, since she was his wife!!) that an entire nation would be birthed from him. Not only was that hard to believe, but seemingly impossible because Sarah was barren and couldn’t have children. TWENTY FIVE YEARS LATER, Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah!!
HOW LONG ARE WE WILLING TO WAIT FOR OUR PROMISE?? God has spoken many promises to us through His Word and even in our hearts, but our responsibility is to be patience in our waiting. One thing I’ve learned over the years is this: GOD SPEAKS A PROMISE TO US, WE WALK THROUGH A SEASON OF ‘WAITING’, THEN GOD FULFILLS HIS PROMISE/ANSWER TO US. I think we have to walk through that process of waiting for God to prepare our hearts to receive His promise.
What is it that God has promised to you? The salvation of a spouse? A child? A physical healing? The restoration of a marriage? How long are you willing to wait for that promise? When Isaac was finally born to Sarah, the Bible says that “the Lord was GRACIOUS to Sarah AS HE HAD SAID, and the Lord did for Sarah WHAT HE HAD PROMISED.”
God will ALWAYS be true to His promises…BUT HOW LONG ARE YOU WILLING TO WAIT?
